Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Black Listed/ White Listed

Cupcakes, mistletoe, ornaments, and ah, yes, a black person. Apparently that's the order for holiday parties these days, according to Gawker. The site basically dubs black people the newest December accessory and goes on to list the top ten blacks (socialites, fashion folks and the like) that will make the perfect guest this season. Uhhhh **blank stare**. Someone please tell me that this foolishness is not what post-racial America is all about. But hey, if that's how we're going to play, so be it. If I had a party, saturated by my wonderful successful black friends, I'd be eyeing for diversity, too. And not just any 'ol bits of multicultiness--the right folks. And here they are...

White Listed:

John Demsey, Chairman of the M·A·C AIDS Fund and President, Estee Lauder

We love M·A·C, and we also love a company that champions diversity and AIDS awareness.

Maroon 5

Great music. Great band. We like.

Lydia Hurst (so long as she brings mom, Pattie)

Lydia's pretty hot, but the mom's is a Old-G.

Janice Dickinson

There is the possibility that homegirl might get slapped for coming out of her mouth and calling the wrong thick chick fat, but noting all the black people who Janice works with on her show (ranging from photographers to bookers to models) I can't help but think there's a little something something JD has that black folks like. Perhaps it's the honesty? I think that's it.

Al Pacino and Robert De Niro

Because every black dude loves to pretend to be a gangster/hustler and so does Al Pacino. And because De Niro loves the chocolate.

Jay Leno

Honestly, black people just don't get white comedians' humor...75% of the time. It's often the kind of sarcastic, over intellectualized, anecdotal nonsense that would get a comedian tap danced right off the Apollo stage. But Leno comes correct every time, and represents late nights for his White brethren. Triple snaps.

John Mayer

He's got that cocky Kanye black man swagger, and as much as I hate that ish, it's also kinda sexy. I also can't say I like how he blasted his relationship with Jessica Simpson, but..."Say what you need to say," right? Whatevs, the Ladies Love Cool John.

Julia Beverly, Ozone Magazine, Publisher and Editor

While I don't like all white folk who make their buck off the creativity of black folk, JB is not one to hate. And if you're a rapper, promoter, producer, pimp...whatever, in the South, it's best that you stay on her good side. Homie is a real lover of hip hop and in a more demur way than Janice, will tell you like it is (or maybe she'll just blow up your spot in the next issue of Ozone). I'm also very thankful that she (and my homie Eric) gave me a ride back to Atlanta from All Star Weekend. Good lookin', JB!

The Donald and Ivana (on opposite sides of the room)

He can tell you how to get rich...and so can she.

Dani Stahl, Nylon Magazine, Style Director

This "It" chick is often descried as the life of the party. Fun, fashionable, and of course elite by rearing, Stahl might add a bit of eccentricism to the mix without looking over exposed (Olivia Palermo), or over dressed (Mary-Kate Olsen) or overdosed (Peaches Geldof).

Brad Pitt

He's an awesome papa to baby Z and hella good looking. Props for dating Robin Givens back in the day, although I'm still not sure how I feel about her. And we definely applaud his efforts in New Orleans.

Britney Spears

We're less likely to host a party featuring coke, Oxycodone or whatever else she was on last year, so we think Brit Brit would be a fun loving guest. And while she's around, someone can fix her damn weave. Yes yes, y'all. Just stay away from taken men, Brit Brit.

Anderson Cooper

He's really Gloria Vanderbilt's kid but you'd never know it; he worked his way up, and from what it seems, keeps a very humble posture. I've also read that he's a fan of Sean Jean, Roca Wear and takes special liking to NeNe from The Real Housewives of Atlanta. The Silver Fox is not in peril on Black Planet. No way.

Nicole Richie ?!

We'd invite her because she'd be in the room thinking she's White Listed. Little does she know we'd have Essence and Ebony on board to make sure she answers questions about being a woman of color. **Awkward**.

The Usuals: Bill Clinton, Tom Cruse, Robin Thicke, Eminem, The Dave Matthews Band (surprising, I know), Mark Ecko, Kim Zolciak of The Real Housewives, ATL

Probation until 2010: Justin Timberlake
Yes, homie has had soul for a very long time and generally black people like him. But, JT is still on probation until 2010. You gotta be in it when the going gets tough.

Others banned: Donnie Klang, because the ish was a hot wannabe mess; Aubrey O'day and Sienna Miller, or any other white girl possibly sleeping with Diddy; Brandon Davis, because we don't want disinherited billionaire trash, either.

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